People Who Suck

There are a lot of people who suck in this world. Without needing to say it, child molesters, terrorists, animal abusers pretty much top the list. But everyone knows that.

This list is for those of you who are minor offenders; these people are more annoying than an actual harm to society:

People Who Write Checks: If this applies to you, let me let you in on a little secret. There are these things called debit cards; they work like credit cards in the way that it takes money directly from your checking account. Sometimes you have to remember and enter that...oh what's that tricky little thing called...oh right, your PIN. But it works just the same. STOP WRITING CHECKS. They take up a shit load of time, are completely useless, and are plain annoying. The only thing worse than writing checks are people who put the amount and the name of the place in the ledger BEFORE EVEN WRITING THE BLOODY CHECK. This is just rude. So do all of us who have to ring you up and those of us in line behind you a favor: get a fucking debit card.

People Who Walk on the Left Side: This is America. As much as you may not like it, we do everything on the right: we drive, our escalators are on the right, WE WALK ON THE RIGHT. Stop walking on the left, and then when people don't move out of your way, you get mad. Eff that. In this instance, follow the crowd.

Slow Walkers in Public Places: This goes hand in hand with those who walk on the left. If you are in a public place, don't walk ONE MILE AN HOUR. Seriously. You take up the aisles and when people pass you, you give them dirty looks. We wouldn't pass you if you weren't going so damn slow!

People Who Use Cell Phones in Inappropriate Places: See prior blog about this one.

People Who Expect An Answer from "You know, that one song...": No. I do not know that one song. I know a lot of music, but I am not a lyric database that waits for you to come in and forget what song you're looking for. Especially if it's Country. When you come into my store, don't forget the main effing reason that you're here.

People Who Don't Say "Please" and "Thank You": It's common fucking courtesy. I don't even need to delve into my hatred of people who don't have manners.

People Who Slurp Their Food: Eat with your mouth closed. You aren't a pig slurping slop. Especially cereal. Soup I can slightly understand and forgive: it's hot and you don't want to burn your tongue. CEREAL ISN'T HOT. If you're slurping because you took too big of a bite, TAKE SMALLER BITES. Nails on chalkboard for me.

People Who Drive Slow on the Freeway: Take city streets if you don't want to go 70 MPH. Otherwise, get the hell out of everyone's way.

People Who Think Reading is Stupid: Simply put, reading isn't stupid. You are.

People Who Wear Too Much Cologne/Perfume/Body Spray/Other Random Smelly Body Stuff: Ok. I get it. You like your perfume. That's fantastic. That also, however, doesn't mean that EVERYONE ON THE PLANET WILL. One or two sprays will do it. Stop dousing yourself in it because people aren't going to think you smell good; they're going to think that you don't take regular showers, so have to bathe in good smelling chemicals.




Don't worry, more will be added to the list later.